Boundaries (Triple Threat)

There are boundaries inside the Boundaries. Like there are layers inside layers, meta on meta, communications inside other communications. Hell, the world is a complicated place. But this has been bugging me for awhile and I wanted to get it out there. Do we call both these things Boundaries? Do we clarify in some way?

Despite all of this, I have really felt that Boundaries is a rockin’ place to start, even though it’s not at the beginning. I don’t know why exactly that is, but it’s interesting. And I’m sure I’ve said it before; I’m biased, I started on Boundaries. So… that’s probably it.

In keeping healthy boundaries, it’s best to treat others as though their boundaries are healthy, too. I really like this concept and want to implement it, but it is often very challenging to get going. I have a feeling, though, that once you do it a few times… it gets easier. Because to be perfectly honest, as we also talked about at the workshop, unhealthy boundaries are manipulative. I’m making you take care of me, my stuff, or I’m taking control of you, your stuff, and taking away your opportunity to control it yourself, even to learn to control it yourself.  We want to trust others to take care of themselves… and trust ourselves to take care of ourselves.

Clearing this up does amazing things. Sera said, “Then you can listen to their story instead of trying to make them part of yours.” And I really liked that.

There’s a psychologically proven cognitive bias—say it with me, girls and boys, and make sure to breathe—that supports these ideas. It’s not really all that “self-centered”—it can’t be. It’s too basic an idea, and “self-centered” is a concept full of traditional, cultural associations. It goes right down to the grit of what a human being is.